About Me

About Me

Hi.  I’m Lola Bipolar.  Well, my name is not Lola.  But I have bipolar. I was diagnosed about 14 years ago now.  I was in my mid-twenties.  The diagnosis was a relief as it explained my regular depressive episodes over the years.  It gave me an answer to why I felt so sad and so angry and so not like other people.  And at times so amazing and so capable and so on-top-of-everything that I couldn’t lose.  Anything.  Until I sink.  Again.  To the point of almost losing everything.  Including my life.  But actually wanting to lose my life but still caring about my Mum.  Words could not even describe how my Mum would feel if I ever took my life.  My brother did that.  And we both still hurt so much.  I could never put her through that again.  That is what has kept me here.

Often, on my climb back out of the black hole, I have wondered what the point is.  When I know that, in time, I will be back down here again.  I guess this blog is a small hope that one person might read it and understand better what their loved one is going through.  Or for another bipolar survivor to not feel alone.  And for me, to be held accountable for my thoughts and my feelings and my actions.